I know you all understand why I've been absent. We're all going through something in one way or another, and I don't want to minimize that. So, with that being said, I would like to first say that I hope each and every one of you are happy, healthy and safe. I know the happy part has been difficult to say the least. With our crazy-ass president, who has a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth going on. I cannot wait for January 20th. I just hope they televise the SS dragging is ass out of the white house.
Okay, let's not get political. My bad.
I do believe more than half of the nation went into some kind of mental health awareness state. Meaning, we all became aware that we can be anxious, depressed and even a little manic when locked up in the house for five months straight. I know I did. My voices started hearing voices. lol
That was always the joke. I talk to the voices in my head. We all talk to ourselves at one point or another. Sometimes we even answer ourselves. That's supposed to be when we know we're crazy... right?
The voice yelling in my head woke me from a dream. So, at first I thought the dream was sticking around. It quieted for a few minutes, but when the phone rang, I heard it tell me not to answer it. Just let it go to voicemail. Thinking it was my own thought, I went with it. At some point in the day, that voice that would answer me back and argue with me about an outfit I was packing for a trip, or about forgetting sunscreen for my kid... those voices that I imagined were just thoughts a writer has when they have so many characters to look after. Well, that voice turned into four. Then over a few weeks four turned into nine, then ten... until finally all twelve made themselves aware.
Yelling at me would have been fine. Once they started yelling at each other and came more into focus, I got scared. Like my eyes are wide open, yet I could perfectly picture myself standing in a circle with five other people. All ranging in age, height, and body shape. That's what came more into focus, means.
So, I did what I should have years ago when the voices started. I got help. In the past I didn't feel it was necessary. They went away and I chalked it up to the fact that I had four small children, two dogs, seven puppies, school and work. It was a lot to handle at the time, and I got answers, medically. A tumor on my brain. Don't be shocked - not new news. Everyone knows, I just try to keep my health updates short and sweet. I know some of you like to know those things. However, I don't want sympathy readers. And I'm telling this story now to explain why I've been absent without a word since April.
I looked online for a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist. I don't want meds. I already hear voices, I don't need anymore chemicals in my body. I did a very bad thing and stopped taking my meds for a few months. It wasn't good. But once I started seeing my therapist my pain started to subside, so I thought I was getting better and didn't need the meds. That was not the case.
As stated before, I do NOT have MS. It was am early diagnosis, and was supported by new lesions found on my lower spine, but no more on my brain. What I DO have, is Spinal Stenosis, and neuropathy in my legs and feet. With so much support, I am handling this well. Some days I need a cane, and other days I feel my age and can walk just fine. But I have a heap of friends and family support.
However, the mind thing I'm struggling with. I have not yet gotten a diagnosis, I know that's a big question with these things. My therapist has acknowledged that I have a form of DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. It forms when a child is repeatedly traumatized between the ages of Birth - 11 years old. Some say ten some say nine, but either way, that's what's going on with me.
I get it. There are some who believe it's not real and I'll probably get lash back, not only from readers, but from family. I've only told a few people, but I have always felt better when I pour myself out to you guys. You're my rock, and the reason I'm determined to find my muse again.
I'll continue to work with my therapist and hopefully heal. I have a lot to work through, and obviously I wasn't over these things like I'd thought. So, that's why I disappeared.
I'm trying my best to get into the Crawford story again. I remember when I first started writing it. I was so amped up and excited, so I'm hoping diving back into the story will help me feel that again.
While I don't have an exact date, I am hoping for a spring-time release. Possibly May, but please don't hold me to it.
Also, you may have noticed the new banner with a Sims Plumbob on it. I'm using the Sims 4 as a way to help me find new ideas for stories. I even made the Crawford clan and put them up in my gallery. ID: ShannonPerrine
When I feel up to it, I also stream on Twitch. Gaming is Self-Care!
Stay safe, wear your mask like you would a seat-belt. I love you all. Later gator!